The Path to Replacing Cuss Words and Mental Tics

Becoming the “New You” for the New Year

Embracing Newness Through the True Power Source

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.”

Embrace 2 Corinthians 5:17 Newness From The Power Source.

There is a call to wisdom…

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths"

(Proverbs 3:5-6)

And so this PATH begins.

-STEP ZERO: Preparation through Understanding the Cultural Battlefield

-STEP ONE: Recognize the Root — A Heart Issue

-STEP TWO: Understand You Are No Longer Enslaved

-STEP THREE: Renewal Through Replacement

-STEP FOUR: Putting Renewal into Action

⚠️ Content Warning: There are explicit terms discussed for educational replacement purposes.

-STEP FIVE: Securing the New You

-Practical Application HOMEWORK: Implementing Biblical Principles in Communication

-The Transformation Example of the Morrison Household: A Story of Renewed Communication To Help Understand To Move On To The Next Step Of Your Life

Introduction: New Creation, New Culture, New Language

Scripture is clear that true transformation begins not with behavior modification alone, but with new identity. The gospel does not merely restrain old habits—it replaces them. The believer is called not only to stop doing what is wrong, but to put on what is righteous, holy, and life-giving.

“For neither circumcision nor uncircumcision avails anything, but a new creation.”
(Galatians 6:15)

“And that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness.”
(Ephesians 4:24)

"We were therefore buried with Him through baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead, we too may live a new life."

(Romans 6:4)

This teaching flows from professional biblical counseling experience and observed data: many believers sincerely love God, yet remain trapped in culturally learned verbal and behavioral patterns that contradict the life of Christ. This work is written not to shame—but to liberate. Transformation occurs when a person accepts Christ. It signifies a complete renewal of life and identity. The "old" refers to past sins and ways of living, while the "new" represents a fresh start and a new way of life in alignment with Christ's teachings through His empowerment. Renewal comes as a reset of how to think transitioning how we formerly behaved in life to what is new long term, not just for a moment.

Cultural pride I find tends to be a significant hurdle to these life changes needed, more surprisingly than I originally thought occurred. But the Proverbs state:

Proverbs 11:2: "When pride comes, then comes shame; But with the humble is wisdom".

Proverbs 13:10: "By pride comes nothing but strife, But with the well-advised is wisdom".

Proverbs 16:5: "The LORD detests all the proud of heart. Be sure of this: They will not go unpunished".

Proverbs 16:18: "Pride goes before destruction, And a haughty spirit before a fall".

Proverbs 16:19: "Better to be of a humble spirit with the lowly, Than to divide the spoil with the proud".

So pride's outcome is shame, disgrace, strife, destruction, and a fall.

Humility's reward is wisdom, honor, and God's grace.

God's view is that He detests the proud and promises they will face consequences.

Pride is your own limited power, where by humility is embracing God’s power.

STEP ZERO: Preparation through Understanding the Cultural Battlefield

Before transformation can occur, we must correctly identify the source of the problem.

Jesus said:

“If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world… therefore the world hates you.”
(John 15:19)

And Paul exhorts:

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”
(Romans 12:2)

We live in a culture saturated with verbal vulgarity and aggressive gestures, normalized through movies, music, gaming, and peer environments. Over time, these patterns become habitual speech reflexes—what many casually accept as “just how people talk” or “how my culture is”. Pride of the culture or popularity of use blocking progress forms. Yes, this also includes, not excludes, locational city, countryside, or nationality overall bad habit/sin cultures and mentalities. American’s for example have been known and classified as a cowboy ‘John Wayne’ arrogance superiority culture worldwide for many years. But we do not have to be stuck conformed to a general culture, specifically if negative and ungodly.

This essay addresses learned cultural speech habits, especially those in relation with classified neurological medical conditions. Scripture acknowledges suffering in a fallen world, yet also affirms that Christ empowers transformation where culture enslaves.

“Bad company corrupts good morals.”
(1 Corinthians 15:33)

You are not alone. This struggle is widespread—including within churches, families, and even professional institutions. As an ambassador of Christ (2 Corinthians 5:20), this message translates hope, not accusation.

But in STEP ZERO we must understand that we live in a culture where most American’s-first have learned into a general Coprolalia Tourette Syndrome type state by being of the world John 15:19, and struggle to let it go since conformed to the patterns of it Romans 12:2. And through America it has spread cross the entire world hearing it (seeing it on TV) quite imitated in Japan, the Philippines, and other locations. This Coprolalia Tourette Syndrome is not simply cross-wiring excuse of the brain, but a learned habitual trait. NOTE: There are other bad as well as good traits cross pollenated from all nationalities and cultures to each other. Some Biblically sound, others not. The topic we speak on today is simply one example.

Types of Tic Disorders

Tourette syndrome is classified into three main types of ‘tic’ disorders based on the nature and duration of the ‘tics’ initial caused as a response to pressures and stresses.

In the secular world there are no tests of any kind to diagnose Tourette's Disorder. The diagnosis is made exclusively from subjective observation of the behaviors specified in the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders). Know that the DSM is a book about the world’s base identification with no actual answers itself to solve issues.

The DSM is popular BUT does not have an authoritative way to identify the root issues behind problems like the Bible. The Bible is 2 Timothy 3:16-17 stated set up to do so you can actually overcome problems of life. The DSM actually tends to merge problems together to cause a confusion to find the core heart root issues under very broad terms covering too many issues at once, like ADHD or Autism which pretty much are meaningless terms in todays world by themselves because could classify almost everyone at some time in life since covers too many problems at once. So if I ask you ‘What are the heart root issues to address for ADHD or Autism?” You most likely could not respond since each is a category of 5 to 6 or more issues put together, each needing to be addressed one at a time with the root issues behind each issue by them selves. So for Tourette’s and Tics…

1. Tourette Syndrome (full Tourette Classification follows, though if in observation yet may be called ‘general Tourette type symptoms’)

Tics Present: At least 2 motor tics and 1 vocal tic.

Duration: Symptoms must last for at least 1 year for an official full diagnosis.

Age of Onset: Typically begins in childhood.

2. Persistent (Chronic) Motor or Vocal Tic Disorder

Tics Present: Either motor tics or vocal tics (not both).

Duration: Symptoms must last for at least 1 year but only shows one type of symptom or the other.

Age of Onset: Usually starts in childhood.

3. Provisional Tic Disorder

Tics Present: Either motor tics or vocal tics (not both).

Duration: Last under one year. With provisional tic disorder, tics usually go away on their own within a few months. About 10 percent of all child have this case.

Age of Onset: Can occur in childhood.

A ‘tic’ is a modern term of an automatic bad habit of vocalization or movement not caused by a medical disease, condition, or medication. These repetitive behaviors are classified as either motor ‘tics’ (meaningless muscle movements), which involve sudden bodily movements, or vocal ‘tics’ (meaningless sounds or inappropriate words or phrases)that range from subtle vocalizations like throat-clearing to blurting out full sentences. And there are also behavioral tics (touching, gesturing, mimicking, etc.) which typically get classified on the motor side though some mimicry is also vocal.

Vocal ‘Tics’ are grunting, hissing, or humming: Unintentional sounds made with the vocal cords. Sniffing: Sniffling when there’s no sign of nasal congestion. Snorting: Short breaths through the nose. Coughing or throat clearing: Persistent coughing or clearing of the through when it’s not “necessary”. Coprolalia: Automatic (habitual so seemingly involuntary- can’t help but startin responses or in life) cursing or use of other derogatory language are all included.

Motor ‘Tics’ in crude twitching. Excessive blinking. Quick fluttering of the eyelids or eye jerks. Twitches or jerks of the head and neck. Sticking out or rolling the tongue. Moving up and down with the legs or bending the knees repeatedly. Persistent throat clearing. These can all be considered tics, or sudden, repetitive movements or sounds that your body makes habitually. Some people will push off certain ‘tics’ as a cute trait at times such as blowing their cheeks out when stressed and or embarrassed. Obscene gestures, like flipping the middle finger is included in these. You will see many when stressed include to stomp, jump, squat, repeatedly tapping any surface or body part, strike out, yank hair, pinch self, moving the shoulders up and down, or other bad lack of control as ‘tics’ they set into automatic habit. As many as 1 in 5 school-aged children experience tics. Sometimes it’s transient, while other times it persists into adolescence and adulthood.

We also have ‘Stims’ or “self-stimulatory behaviors”. These are behaviors that virtually everybody engages in. Neurotypical people can often be seen drumming their fingers on a desktop when they’re feeling impatient or twirling their hair when they’re bored, for example. That said, stimming sometimes looks a tad different in those who are neurodivergent. These individuals, including those identified as autistic, may engage in stimming to help manage their emotions or cope with overwhelming sensations. Stims can include rocking back and forth, hand flapping, repeating words or phrases, humming, excessive blinking, dancing in place. You can see them falling into the ‘tics’ category as well at times. OCD classifications correlates as you can tell. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is a behavior manifestation of ungodly wants and fear from being overwhelmed, pride, too self focused.

Most people with tics originally don’t think that they can even stop them, but they can with hard effort. Many have overcome.

Biblical counseling approaches viewing Tourette Type Syndromes, including Coprolalia (habitual swearing) and Copropraxia (automatic learned impulses with your hand gestures like sticking up your middle finger at people to indicate a cuss), as a consequence of living in a fallen world and emphasize acceptance, patience, and support rather than judgment first. Coprolalia (verbal) is understood medically as a neurological condition since so pervasive, but it is also a cultural willful sin and moral failing that goes unnoticed by many since way too common. 

Tourette’s type problems is so reinforced by the movie and song industry promoting a brain washing into the entire world from this by having the scripts and lyrics full of acts and singers displaying Coprolalia Tourette & the physical Copropraxia Syndrome as if it were a normal way of life thing, when it actually is a mental disorder of broken people losing control of their speech and the meanings behind what they say. This means people blurt out cuss words without knowing or meaning what the words actually mean. So when properly interpreted it makes them to the point of looking idiotic and nonsensical. When understanding these words and what they actually mean you will see how mortifyingly numbskull you have been embarrassingly speaking. It will begin to reveal for yourself how you have been as you use words out of context using 'beep' words that would be censored instead or realistic words simply because of peer-pressure fads.

The truth is that they are habitual responses that are self learned, not a brain chemical imbalance nor genetic abnormality. None of those things have ever been found. Typically they all link to anxiety and responding to a stressor so they added a physical or verbal reaction habit in response toward that initial event. Chemical imbalance is the fake excuse term people say to sound smart, but they actually cannot measure the chemical amount in your brain to test this. There are no genetic abnormalities seen at all just BAD HABITS! This is why can be treated and overcome.

The Biblical description for this is of the emotional urge that pressures the person to perform the tic is identical to the urges associated with life- dominating habits (pornography, drunkenness, etc.). Since no brain abnormality can be identified in Tourette's patients, the biblical principles for overcoming life-dominating sins should be applied.

The tic is only a superficial problem. The primary issue is the urge that prompts it. The individual is willing to do whatever it takes (i.e., the tic), even if it is sinful, to gain fleeting relief from the urge. The counselor must evaluate the child's entire life to understand his habit and implement a plan that will help the child and his family put off habits that promote the tics and replace them with beneficial habits.

Complex tics (words, phrases, and gestures) require voluntary, purposeful thought and, therefore, cannot be considered involuntary. What psychology attributes to a faulty inhibitory mechanism in the brain, the Bible calls a seared conscience and a hardened heart. The only real hope for a hardened heart is repentance, regeneration, and transformation by the Holy Spirit. Do not be intimidated. Our God is not impotent to restore such a one.

Tourette Syndrome is again classified as a neurodevelopment disorder characterized by motor and vocal tics. It has a neurobiological basis and is not necessarily caused by a lack of faith or demonic possession (though it could be involved in certain cases), but rather mostly through brain washing and bad habits ingrained through culture and peer pressures of life- movie, games, and music play a large reinforcement piece of this. Peers the initial main seeding of the heart to this habitual issue.

Tourette Syndrome Coprolalia is the specific medical term for the habitual (deceived as involuntary when actually habit), recurrent utterance of socially inappropriate words, including obscenities or slurs. It is a complex vocal tic and affects almost 90% of the current U.S. Military population. Like other tics, it is often only partially controllable until you discipline to overcome, and can be preceded by an uncomfortable urge or sensation since so habituated as a normal part of life. Think of this the same way as an accent from the region you grew up in. It is hard to initially overcome it as it feels involuntarily automatic as it simply springs out since grew up habituated to saying things that way. Remember habits equals making presets in the mind.

Biblical Counseling Perspective is to approach conditions like Tourette Syndrome within the context of universal human suffering in a fallen world, this is NOT about physical nor neurological weakness- this is about not being of the world nor conformed to it anymore. We must emphasize God's overcoming power through His compassion and care for individuals in their weakness and encourage a supportive community response. Those around make the support connection to help draw you out of this or keep you caged in it. 1 Corinthians 15:33 warns that bad company corrupts good morals.

Biblical counseling resources and discussions among Christian communities suggest the following approaches:

Education and acceptance of understanding the cause of Tourette Syndrome is known by Christians, but refused by the secular world. This is sad since there are helps and answers to these issues not allowed to be presented outside of Christianity.

There also is a greater population suffering from Tourette Syndrome than reported, hiding the fact from the world to be serious about addressing these BAD CULTURE MADE issues. Again Christians are encouraged to educate themselves about Tourette Syndrome and Coprolalia. We need to be understanding they are NOT involuntary symptoms of a medical condition, but are a sin culture disorder from embracing a bad culture to use cuss words as their accent and physical culture gestures to vent their emotions.

A perspective example. I am an Italian-American from New Jersey USA. I speak very fast, loud, with emotion, while waving my hands in all directions naturally. People make fun of me for this. I strive to slow down my speech and be softer as I teach around the world, but it is hard since it was my culture and way I raised myself to speak habitually. So just like for me, acceptance and patience are key responses, treating individuals with dignity and respect.

Biblical Counseling is to focus on helping the individual find their identity in Christ and rely on God's promises for strength and support (to build up), rather than solely linking the tics to sin or a lack of faith (tear down). God has made them for good works and as overcomers to be something new in Christ’s power.

The church community needs to be supportive and is encouraged to be biblical grace-judgmental, welcoming place where those with Tourette Syndrome feel loved and supported, following the principle of treating others as one would want to be treated (Luke 6:31). We must bear one another’s burdens.

Prayer for healing, strength, and the ability to cope with the challenges of the disorder is a common response within the faith community.

Proper Biblical counseling also always follows the Elijah example. The Elijah method, as seen in 1 Kings 19:4-9, is to make sure the physical side is addressed. Eating. Drinking. Sleeping. Drug and supplement use. Possible physical damage or other medical issues. The Spiritual side cannot receive heavy counsel until the physical side starts to be addressed first as God shows us by His example. This includes medical or professional check-up help. To overcome ‘tics’, start with self-help like managing stress/tiredness and creating a supportive environment. God brought Elijah to Elisha and others right here in this chapter of 1 Kings 19:15-21 for support.

Habit reversal training is where you learn to notice the premonitory urge (the feeling before a tic) and perform a "competing response" Ephesians 4 renewal of mind through even a voluntary movement that prevents the physical tic, like stretching if you feel an urge to shrug while knowing God got you as seen through the promises and interactions of the Psalms. Close and then open wide your chronic blinking eye with a big stretch while saying in your mind ‘I rejoice in the Lord’ to change the stressor’s thought. People are taught to identify when tension buildup is occurring and become aware of any patterns that precede tics. After developing this awareness, they can then work on replacing the tics with what are called “competing behaviors.” A deep breath every time they get the urge to do a coughing tic while remembering you are in God’s hand he never lets you go and sustains you. You add on the biblical renewal of the mind aspect to move from simply a suppression to a replacement to work toward forever removing.

The beautiful thing about tics is now we know that they are not totally out of control. You can learn how to manage tics.

Stress and fatigue management avoid triggers like stress, anxiety, and tiredness; engage in relaxing hobbies or exercise (like kickboxing, which studies suggest helps). 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 states believers' bodies house the Spirit, and 1 Corinthians 3:16-17 addresses the church as God's temple where His Spirit dwells. So we need to take care of it properly, and you can see the Biblical stewardship principles when applied to your body results benefit. The Bible’s logic taught of Biblical stewardship applies to all things, not just money which is simply one example.

Supportive environment having others help ignore to bypass the tics, not draw attention to them, and avoid punishment; inform teachers/employers.

Treat Co-occurring Conditions by managing often correlating Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder with its’ six to an endless more root issues, anxiety, or Obsessive Compulsion Disorder and its’ typically three to four root issues will reduce ‘tics’. If tics are severe, painful, or affecting daily functioning doctors will prescribe medications, but they do need a step down plan to overcome to remove the ‘tic’ and not simply suppress it to come back later. There is always a spiritual side to every issue of life that needs to be addressed along with the physical.

Psalm 103:13 shows “As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust.” This verse is beautiful and I love this so much!

The next thing that's real important is that you see portrayed all over Scripture is this thing that theologians call “common grace.” God “makes his sun rise (shine) on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and the unjust” (Matthew 5:45). And what that means is God pours His goodness into people in order to give them life that works. It’s all about needing to have and share grace: getting what we do not deserve. Saved by it. Embracing it. And finally sharing it to others. Not earned. Not deserved. Simply making them feel loved.

Remember there are normally many issues flowing together that will be revealed as we address these issues. There is a reason why we lived of this world conformed to its’ image instead of God’s and instead of embracing His Kingdom. I am speaking as a 2 Corinthians 5:20 Ambassador from Him translating hope for you. You are not alone. You are NOT the only one with this issue. In certain regions, like in the US military, a majority of the population is affected by this at some level hurling out cuss words with no relationship to the actual moment. In the Christian Church of the USA most congregations members on and off struggle with this as their ingrained world habit culture embraced since now raised in.

STEP ONE: Recognize the Root — A Heart Issue

Behavior flows from the heart.

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it?”
(Jeremiah 17:9)

“Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.”
(Proverbs 4:23)

Unfiltered speech and impulsive gestures are not merely “bad habits”—they reveal untrained inner responses shaped by culture rather than Christ. When the heart is healed and retrained, the mouth follows.

"But those things which proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and they defile a man. For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies."

(Matthew 15:18-19)

"For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks."

(Matthew 12:34)

These passages highlight that a person's words reveal their inner spiritual state, with true defilement coming from internal evil rather than external sources, according to Jesus' teaching in Matthew 15:11-20.

Jeremiah 17:9 emphasizes the inherent wickedness and deceitfulness of human’s hearts when left alone and unchecked. Proverbs 4:23, shows that we must emphasize the importance of guarding your heart as it influences your entire life. This is where uncontrolled general Coprolalia (impulsive with your mouth) and general Copropraxia (impulses with your hand gestures) you learned from life come into play. These flow out of your heart habits.

You will find God addresses the heart and mind together because of there needed interconnectedness to balance on another. The mind is the soul’s control gas pedal to the heart which is your emotional power motor to engage into life. This guides us to a transformed life focused on God's truth and will. I mean look at these verses.

Mark 12:30: "And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart (emotional power source), with all your soul (the driver), with all your mind (thought engagement to body connections), and with all your strength (physical body).

Philippians 4:7: “…and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus".

Proverbs 4:23: "Keep your heart with all diligence, For out of it spring the issues of life".

Romans 12:2: "And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind (changing how you are connecting your heart and body to the situation), that you may prove what is that good and perfect will of God ".

Proverbs 3:5-6: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths".

2 Corinthians 10:5: "casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought (your mind) into captivity to the obedience of Christ".

Matthew 22:37: "Jesus said to him, 'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind'" (echoes Mark 12:30).

Love God Fully which is the greatest command involves the entirety of your being (heart, soul, mind, strength).

Guard Your Heart (affections/desires) as it is the source of life’s power to move; protect it from evil since it will then move in those directions.

Renew Your Mind so it is no longer conformed (no longer complying with the rules, standards) of the world; transform your thinking to align with God's will and His Kingdom.

Peace as a Guard since God's peace protects your inner self (heart and mind).

God's Word Transforms since words do have power! the Bible is powerful to reveal and change your inner intentions.

Hebrews 4:12 states that the Bible (B.I.B.L.E. Basic instructions Before Leaving Earth) is living and powerful dynamic and active, not just a static text. Sharper than a two-edged sword surpassing physical sharpness, able to cut through hidden things. Piercing deeply even to divide between soul (driver) and spirit (breath empowerment connection to and from God- for example the Holy Spirit connects people to God and His direct extra power), and joints and marrow (representing the deepest parts of a person). Discerning thoughts & intents as it exposes the secret motives and desires of the heart.

So with this…

STEP TWO: Understand You Are No Longer Enslaved

Freedom is not earned—it is granted through the power of Christ.

“And having been set free from sin, you became slaves of righteousness.”
(Romans 6:18)

“Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed.”
(John 8:36)

“There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus… For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death.”
(Romans 8:1–2)

John 3:16-17 states that God's immense love for the world led Him to give His unique Son, so that anyone who believes in Him receives eternal life instead of perishing; the Son was sent not to condemn the world, but to save it through Him, offering a path to salvation for all. Showing God's profound, sacrificial love for all humanity (the world). The Gift of God's only Son (Jesus Christ). The condition is belief (faith) in Jesus. The Outcome (for believers) is everlasting life, escaping eternal death (perishing). The Purpose salvation, not condemnation, for the world through Jesus. This reassures us that we are not bound to what culture trained into you.

The Spirit of God provides real power for real change. Romans 6:18 emphasizes that believers are no longer trapped by sin but are now committed to living righteously. While John 8:34-36 and Romans 8:1-2 emphasizes that through faith in Jesus Christ, believers are no longer bound by sin. Instead, they are empowered but again to live righteously, enjoying true freedom.

So when God tells us to Ephesians 4:29 "Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers". This emphasizes something that can be obtained by speaking words that build others up and offer grace, rather than using foul or unwholesome language, and it's often paired with verses about putting away anger and bitterness (Ephesians 4:29-32).

Key is to “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers". This command encourages to use speech that is helpful, constructive, and blesses those who listen, reflecting their new life in Christ.

Remember that God purchased you at a high price. Don’t be enslaved by the world. In 1 Corinthians 7:22-23 Paul teaches that a person's earthly status (slave or free) becomes secondary in Christ; a slave called by God becomes the Lord's freedman, and a free person called by God becomes Christ's servant, reminding believers they are "bought with a price" and should not become slaves to men, prioritizing their new identity in Christ above worldly conditions.

So when living in the victorious position means enough to you, you will do it. Until then you live as its slave chained to deny the power God gives you to overcome. That is a decision you make whether consciously or automatic. But since you have a relationship with God, you know that the consequence of guilt is now here experienced as you live with it in your sin. A part of you most certainly hates that sin, but not enough to jettison it. Yet the closer you grow to God, the more you know you are living in willful disobedience in that area.

It has to become all about God and not about you. You have to want to glorify Him more than you want to satisfy your pride or vengeful ways. You have to humble yourself to cast these things away, willing to run away from yourself to avoid the sin. You have to decide it is more important to you to live your position, and to stop living as a slave to that sin.

So to that God gives…

STEP THREE: Renewal Through Replacement

Biblical transformation follows a three-part pattern:

1. Put off the old way

2. Renew the mind

3. Put on the new way

“Put off… the old man… be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and put on the new man.”
(Ephesians 4:22–24)

This is not suppression—it is replacement. Suppression always brings the problem back later because it is still there.

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”
(2 Timothy 1:7)

A sound mind produces:

* Peace (Philippians 4:7)

* Humility (1 Peter 5:6)

* Resistance to the enemy (James 4:7)

Overcoming cultural based brain washing into things like Tourette Syndrome requires hardcore replacement words and behaviors through a heart change to want to be a different type of person. Ephesians 4:22-24, which states that you should put off your old self, be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and put on the new self created in true righteousness and holiness. This passage emphasizes the transformation that occurs when one embraces a new life in Christ. Stop the wrong. Then make a different truthful better way to think using a distraction replacement truth about what God does in your life now. Choosing a segment from the Psalms tends to be a help to renew your minds though process on the why to change like Psalm 103:1–5 reflection of “God blessed me by (fill in the blank)”. Finally then with acknowledging God’s power through renewing your mind’s perspective you put on the better opposite action. Ephesians chapter four shows lying changes into telling the truth. Stealing changes into working hard with your hands to give freely.

Psalm 34:8: "Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good; Blessed is the man who trusts in Him!".

Psalm 128:1–2: "Blessed is every one who fears the Lord, who walks in His ways... you shall be happy, and it shall be well with you".

But we can only do this through 2 Timothy 1:7 , "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." Sound mind means no mental disorder from the Philippians 4:7 peace that comes through 1 Peter 5:6-8 humbling self first to enable you to cast your cares so you can James 4:7 submit so the devil's lions flees from you instead of feeds on your flesh alive!

Communication

Studies consistently show that communication is conveyed largely through body language and tone, not merely words. Scripture affirms this reality: the tongue can build up or destroy. In a godly marriage, family, friendships Christ-centered communication—verbal and nonverbal—is essential. Loving speech, patient listening, controlled tone, and respectful posture are marks of biblical wisdom.


“Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight,
O LORD, my strength and my Redeemer.”

(Psalm 19:14)


“Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips.”

(Psalm 141:3)

“Even so the tongue is a little member and boasts great things. See how great a forest a little fire kindles! And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity… With it we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so.”

(James 3:5–10)

“Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.”

(Ephesians 4:29–30)


“Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks.”

(Ephesians 5:4)

“Therefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and rest your hope fully upon the grace that is to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.”

(1 Peter 1:13)

STEP FOUR: Putting Renewal into Action

⚠️ Content Warning: Explicit terms discussed for educational replacement purposes.

Scripture commands us to remove corrupt speech:

“Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification.”
(Ephesians 4:29)

Cuss words function as verbal shortcuts for frustration, domination, or despair. Renewal requires truthful, purposeful alternatives that align with love, clarity, and problem-solving.

The goal is not venting—but redemption.

“Beloved, do not avenge yourselves… ‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord.”
(Romans 12:19)

Replacing reactive speech with God-centered responses shifts the heart from rage to responsibility, from complaint to constructive action.

The guiding question changes from: “How can I vent?”to “How can this be redeemed?”

We need to take out the "bleep" censored cuss words from our lives as it does not reflect God's 1 Corinthians 13 nor John 3:16-17 love at all. Love so do not condemn but save! This applies to us as well to imitate as it should be our Ephesians 2:10 good works action goal to put on. How can we save these people and ourselves in our situations? Not 'how can I vent or attack revenge!' Not ‘this is my culture, forget about them’ stated in proverbial foolishness.

Words as a Trap & Source of Conflict

Proverbs 6:2-4: "You are snared by the words of your mouth; You are taken by the words of your mouth".

Proverbs 18:6: "A fool’s lips enter into contention, And his mouth calls for blows".

Words as Life & Healing

Proverbs 4:20-23: "My son, give attention to my words; Incline your ear to my sayings... For they are life to those who find them, And health to all their flesh".

Proverbs 16:24: "Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, Sweetness to the soul and health to the bones".

Words Revealing Your Heart/Wisdom

Proverbs 18:4: "The words of a man’s mouth are deep waters; The wellspring of wisdom is a flowing brook".

Proverbs 10:19: "In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, But he who restrains his lips is wise".

Vengeance is Mine" is found in Romans 12:19 which states, "Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, 'Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,' says the Lord." Leaving revenge to God rather than taking it into our own hands is the best thing ever for our lives because we will simply mess it up. Whether it is venting the moment in frustration or venting at another person, neither helps yourself or the other simply make your life worse and trips up the next person as well to make your life even harder with a now compiled sin.

This is where God’s Ephesians 2:8-10 power of His grace used to save us application imitation relaxes us. They do not deserve it, but God will use the grace for producing a good work to Genesis 50:20 take what was meant for evil and use it for good to save many. Trust God Romans 8:28 will handle this into a good, and will apply needed wrath. Galatians 6:7-9 you reap what you sow goes two ways! "Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life". This is why…

Instruction Against Revenge: Romans 12:9, “Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good” advises believers in logic to not to seek personal revenge. Instead, also encourages us to leave justice to God.

Divine Justice: The quote emphasizes that God is the ultimate judge and will take care of vengeance in His own time and manner.

Trust in God: The message is about trusting God's judgment rather than taking matters into one's own hands.

This teaching is rooted in the belief that God understands justice better than humans do and will act accordingly.

So with this preparation in mind we need to look at some specific wording with example replacement words. We do this in the process of learning to put on the opposite actions verses what we or others use and act on daily.

ARE YOU READY? Yes these are words you should never say so you do not need to read them outloud. Let’s begin:

Number One Word Heard The Most…

1. “Fuck", "Fucking", & "F-You" words mean normally used to mean 'you messed me up!' or 'this is a mess!' or 'that is messed up' or 'you are messed up' by intention. Renewed mindset 'We need to correct this!' is the actual opposite non-complaint response moving things to a better world. You can see the wrong word used making what was stated when translated properly sound ridiculous since…

2. “Fuck" word true meaning is a girl having sex from behind, which is the typical easy rape position. 'You have been F-ing someone?!' or 'I will F-you' or 'I will F-you up' is the most revealing way to state this phrase. Dealing with intentions of affairs and leaving a raping style impact on people through physical actions going to be done at them by you. ‘I am going to make you feel this!’ or ’you are going to regret saying or doing that!’ or ‘You hurt me so now I will hurt you!!’ are the realistic replacements. But instead the renewed mind should be ‘this is a problem’ or ‘What you said or did is horrid bad’. These said with the intention of moving forward against the issues to solve it rather than revenge crush them. So with taking Coprolalia Tourette Syndrome of just blurting-out cuss words out-of-play we instead now renew our hearts intent instead of wanting to dominate someone, you should turn around your life to say instead 'This is messed up, we need to seek help!' or 'This is messed up, we need to fix this!' or ask directly ‘Did you have an affair or sex with that person?' Without the vulgarity making you look low.

3. “Shit" word means 'poop' or scientific 'defecation' said as a complaint against messing up or spontaneous bad situations. Shouting out “Sugar, Honey, Iced Tea’ means the same thing- do not deceive yourself. Instead of complaining overall we should seriously ask God for help in a prayer. People ‘often will use a replacement word of ‘shoot!’ meaning ‘kill me suicidally now’ out of frustration from the mess up which opens doors to other issues so not healthy. ‘God help me' or 'God help us'. Including god into your problems not.only relieves stress but also brings forth solutions.

4. “This Sucks" is a phrase negative derived from forcing a man to do a homosexual sexual act. It has nothing to do with sucking mother's milk. The is “Sucking Tits” which is another vulgarity used actually meaning that. So you may have been told falsely as an excuse that “S- - - -“ is saying from 'sucking mother's breast’s’ to make it not seem as bad to say referring since in reference to a person being weak. But no one is saying it in terms of a person being baby weak! “This S- - - - -“ is always in reference to be force to do or go through the worst thing you did not want to do. The ‘same as being forced for a man to do a homosexual act on another man. ‘This is horrible!' 'This stinks!' ‘I messed up bad.’ But again taking off the complaint focusing of praying to God is the replacement with renewed mindset. 'God save me.' 'God help us.' ‘God give me power.’ ‘God help my mess up.’ Changing your aspect of point of view makes the situation move to an overcoming hope from an immediate loss.

5. “Ass Hole" word means the hole you poop out of. The original term was "arsehole" with the Old English word ærs (meaning buttocks). American pronunciation shifted the term to "asshole" due to a dialectal change where the 'r' sound was dropped before an 's'. This phonetic shift also happened in words like "burst" to "bust," and "curse" to "cuss". ‘Don’t be a A-hole’ or ‘A-hole’ is used for someone like saying 'You are contemptible!' meaning deserving of contempt or scorn; it describes something or someone that is considered despicable or unworthy of respect. So easier replacement word is 'You are the worst!' or 'You're despicable! But the renewed mindset phrases would be 'You need help' 'Your attitude and actions are all wrong'. 'We need to fix this.' ‘Don’t acted foolish!’

6. “Ass”comes from Latin for donkey. The term "ass" (donkey) has long been used as an insult, referring to a silly, stupid, or obstinate person, dating back to at least Shakespeare's time. This is why we have the term "jackass" (a male donkey) to mean a fool. Asinine comes from the same referring to someone foolish and stupid. In today's world people will use "Ass" to mean butt, which makes no sense at all unless you understand about old English ‘aers’ history shown above. 'Stubborn Fool' or 'You are foolish annoying!' Renewed mindset 'This needs help.' 'You can't be like this'. ‘You need help.’ ‘Don’t be broken!’

7. “Bitch" is a science term for female dog used to degrade one's worth or actions. People use to term also as a term of enslavement. ‘You are my slave!’ or ‘You are annoying’ are the two top ways typically heard or meant. ‘B- - - - en’ of course people will use also as a conquering term on making their sports car for example perfect meaning it is now submissive to the owners ways and wants for it. ‘B- - - - ing’ refers to someone verbally complaining and in reference to yapping like a loud dog too much. Renewed mindset of 'We can't be this way.' 'You cannot be this way.' 'Stop being like this.' 'Stop complaining and say a praise.' Or with the positive negative use with the car, ‘This is perfected, praise God!’

8. “Bastard" is not technically a cuss word as well, but another science designation for someone who is an illegitimate child to again degrade someone's status by saying they were created out of sin. Normally people mean to say 'You fool.' 'You ignorant person!' “You evil villain!’ Renewed mindset states instead 'You can be better than this.' 'Look at you, what you did!' 'You are awful/criminal with what you are doing!' This one is awful because children do not have a choice in which how they came to this world. Now anime, movies, and music all use this term to describe villains… so this makes actual illegitimate children live even more under the stress of them for their lives. Even the entertainment world now makes them feel they are automatically placed into an evil category for even existing from their parents actions- making more contention against their parents as well as increases violence and suicidal and isolation tendencies. This is what makes this term used out of context as an insult to someone so bad and destructive to the community around who heard it said!

THIS IS OUR WORLD TODAY…There are never ending new cuss words that come and go everyday but you get the gist of looking them up and figuring out replacements to put on.

STEP FIVE: Securing the New You

Transformation must be maintained.

“Return, you backsliding children, and I will heal your backslidings.”
(Jeremiah 3:22)

“Beware… lest there be in any of you an evil heart of unbelief… but exhort one another daily.”
(Hebrews 3:12–13)

Key Safeguards:

* Daily prayer

* Scripture intake

* Accountability

* Community encouragement

* Physical care (sleep, nutrition, medical support)

*

God models holistic care even with Elijah before spiritual correction (1 Kings 19).

“As a father pities his children, so the LORD pities those who fear Him. For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust.”
(Psalm 103:13–14)

Biblical Counseling Perspective: Grace-Filled Restoration

The Bible teaches compassion without compromise.

God’s grace:

* Saves what we do not deserve

* Strengthens what we cannot fix alone

* Empowers what culture broke

“He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good.”
(Matthew 5:45)

Again this is common grace—and transforming grace. Grace is something we must even allow on ourselves to move forward, not simply beating ourselves forever about our past to strive and habitually again build a cage to keep ourselves stuck. It is time to open the door not by our own attempted-grace to give a chance, but by accepting God’s undeserved empowerment through humbleness into Ephesians 2:8 grace to move into that Ephesians 2:10 better good work He has built you to now change into out of this old path.

Time for the mental breakdown. “I can’t make it past day two!!! “God At Work For What? TO APPLY GRACE!?” “I will just mess up again and again!”

By embracing God’s truth we can set our minds therefore then correct our hearts motions toward making this bypass the hypothetical into becoming your reality for a lasting replacement connection.

I can see you are overwhelmed. Fearful some? But do you think God can use this current hardship today, and use it to ‘work it all together for good’? Do you truly believe, are you acting right now in a way that believes, God can work all things together for your good? Just think of how this faith (momentum) in God would make your current attitudes and focus on the situation different. Is there a Bible Verse about this?

Romans 8:28-30, (two original Biblical Greek language sentences)

Original Gk Sentence “28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

Original Gk Sentence “29 For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren, 30 moreover whom He predestined, these He also called; whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified.”

Several object lessons could illustrate Romans 8:28-30

1. The Sculptor and the Clay:

Materials: A lump of clay, sculpting tools.

Lesson: Begin with a shapeless lump of clay (representing us in our imperfect state). Explain that the clay, by itself, can't become a beautiful sculpture. The sculptor (God) uses various tools (trials, challenges, relationships) to shape and mold the clay, sometimes through seemingly harsh methods (difficult times). The final product, although it might have gone through some rough patches in the process, is far more beautiful and refined than the original lump. Emphasize that even the "rough" parts were necessary to create the masterpiece.

2. The Mosaic:

Materials: Many small, differently colored tiles.

Lesson: Show the individual tiles representing different experiences—good and bad. Explain that though each piece might seem insignificant on its own and some might seem ugly or broken (difficult moments), together they create a beautiful and meaningful mosaic (our life's journey). Emphasize that even the "broken" pieces contribute to the overall beauty. It's the combination of all the pieces, good and bad, that make the whole picture. The final result depends on how skillfully the pieces are arranged (God's plan), not just the individual pieces' appearance.

3. The Puzzle:

Materials: A jigsaw puzzle, preferably one with a beautiful picture. You could even use a puzzle with some damaged or missing pieces.

Lesson: Start with the mixed-up pieces (life's challenges). Show that it is difficult to see the final image (God's plan) when the pieces are jumbled. Slowly put together the puzzle, emphasizing that some pieces might be difficult to find or fit (difficult times). Explain that even though some pieces might be missing (hard to understand situations) or damaged, they still contribute to a bigger picture. The final picture, despite some missing or damaged pieces, is far more beautiful than a pile of scattered pieces. Discuss how, despite the difficulties in the process, the final picture is beautiful and complete.

Apply this to Romans 8:28-30.

Because God is here with us… we can experience a profound transformation. Romans 8:28-30 assures us that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him—those who have been called according to His purpose. This isn't a passive assurance; it's a call to action, a promise contingent on our relationship with God and our understanding of His purpose for our lives.

Verse 28 This passage speaks of God's unwavering love and faithfulness, guaranteeing that even amidst trials and hardships, He is actively working to shape us into the image of Christ, Ephesians 4:24, Colossians 3:10 new self in His image, Corinthians new creation in Him. The Greek words used emphasize the completeness and all-encompassing nature of God's work in our lives. This means:

We can have faith in all things. Knowing God is sovereign allows unwavering faith, even in the face of adversity.

We can always (Greek meaning to the maximum whole extent) be content, thankful, joyful, and forgiving. God's grace empowers us to cultivate these attitudes, not through our own strength, but through dependence on Him. Forgiveness, however, isn't a superficial "I forgive you"; it's a process of actively working towards reconciliation, mirroring God's own compassionate forgiveness. We actively encourage others to come and ask for forgiveness, fostering a relationship built on love and healing. We don't simply drop issues but seek reconciliation like Jesus did, Ephesians 4:32.

We can do all things through Christ's strength, Philippians 4:13. Our abilities are amplified when we rely on the power of the Holy Spirit through our Mediator Christ, 1 Timothy 2:5. God doesn't allow us to face challenges beyond our ability to overcome them; He provides the escape route, the strength, and the wisdom to navigate them, 1 Corinthians 10:13.

Verse29 In all things, God works together for good... This doesn't mean hardships disappear; rather, God uses every experience, even the painful ones, to mold us, refine us, and make us more Christ-like. The purpose isn't necessarily worldly success but spiritual growth and transformation. Enduring challenges helps us become more like the second Adam, reflecting the image of Christ to the world. We are mirrors of the Trinity intended to show creation His love. They may mean it for Evil, but God for good, Genesis 50:20, with Psalm 119:68 showing God is doing good so stick with Him.

Seriously, do you think God can use your current hardship to work it out together for good? Romans 8:28-29 provides a clear answer: absolutely! However, this is a conditional promise. Two primary conditions must be met:

1. Verse 28, Do you love God? A genuine love for God forms the foundation of this promise. It's a love that trusts His plan, even when it's difficult to understand.

2. Verse 28, Do you know what God's purpose is for you? This requires seeking Him through prayer, Scripture, and community. Ephesians 1:10 & 2:10 reminds us that God's purpose is for us to be transformed into and living through the image of Christ. It involves doing His good works and living a life that reflects His love and grace.

If we fulfill these conditions, God's promise is certain: He will use all things—the good and the bad—to work together for our good and to conform us to the image of His Son.

Verse 30 glorification will come (glorify= to have your opinion be in awe!)—This transformation requires self-examination.

Are our thoughts, words, and actions reflecting Christ? Are we willing to pick up our cross daily (Matthew 16:24), not just to escape hell, but to build a deeper relationship with God and become more Christ-like? This is the practical purpose of salvation—not to be saved from hell, but to become mirrors of God's love and grace.

We need to bear one another's burdens (Galatians 6:2) , helping others in similar circumstances. Genesis 1:27, made in the image of God means when people see us they should see mirror image of God.

Where do we fall short of Christlikeness? Let's start there, addressing our own shortcomings and seeking His help to overcome our weaknesses. The answer is "yes" to being an overcomer with God on our side.

We strive to show compassion. Through it all, we remember the ultimate aim of becoming more like Christ, becoming the mirrors of God's love and grace in the world. This is the very definition of "Christian".

So to avoid backsliding again, focus on maintaining a close relationship with God through prayer and obedience to His Word. Key verses include Jeremiah 3:22, which encourages returning to God for healing, and Hebrews 3:12-13, which warns against an evil heart of unbelief and emphasizes the importance of encouraging one another daily.

Biblical backsliding means a believer turning away from God, moving from spiritual progress to spiritual regression. It is characterized by lapsing into old sins, losing zeal for Christ, neglecting faith practices, or returning to worldly ways after professing faith. Backsliding is often depicted as an unfaithful spouse or rebellious child, with Scripture calling for repentance to find restoration. It's a serious spiritual drift, a weakening commitment, or a temporary fall, emphasizing God's persistent call to return.

Turning Away: Actively moving from God and His ways, abandoning prior commitments.

Regression: Falling back into old sinful habits, losing spiritual fervor, or ceasing growth.

Spiritual Dullness: A decline in love for Jesus, prayer, or church involvement.

Consequences: Scripture warns of consequences, but also promises forgiveness and healing if one repents and returns.

Remember the Biblical examples and imagery:

Israel's Unfaithfulness: The Old Testament often uses Israel as an unfaithful wife or rebellious child turning from God (Jeremiah 3:14, Hosea 4:16).

The Prodigal Son (Sons): A classic parable showing two sons -one leaving and one staying. The leaving one more remembered for squandering his inheritance, but eventually coming to his senses and returning home. The staying one straying from God through a growing hardening of heart. (Luke 15).

Warnings: New Testament passages caution believers against "falling away" due to hardship or deception (Hebrews 3:12, 1 John 2:19).

Common causes:

Worldliness: Loving worldly things and people more than God (1 John 2:15, 2 Timothy 4:10).

Temptation: Succumbing to greed, lust, or other sins (1 Timothy 6:10).

Pride: Self-worship, taking glory from God (Proverbs 16:18).

Hurt: This is a big one, but look at these verses. Galatians 6:9, “And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart". Proverbs 14:14, “The backslider in heart will be filled with his own ways, but a good man will be satisfied from above". This indicates that an internal turn away from God precedes outward manifestations. Hebrews 12:11, “Now no chastening for the present seems to be joyful, but grievous; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it". This suggests that discipline or painful experiences, though hurtful at the time, can be meant and used to bring restoration, but can lead to a negative response if not processed correctly.

The call to return:

Scripture repeatedly calls backsliders to return, promising healing and restoration through repentance (Jeremiah 3:22, 2 Chronicles 7:14, Hosea 14:4).

To Prevent Backsliding:

Encouragement to Stay Faithful

Deuteronomy 4:9 notes to keep your heart and remember the things you have seen. Teach them to your children.

2 Chronicles 7:14 notes to humble yourselves, pray, and turn from wicked ways to receive forgiveness.

Galatians 6:9 notes do not grow weary in doing good; you will reap if you do not lose heart.

Call to Repentance

Isaiah 55:7 notes to forsake your wicked ways and return to the Lord for mercy.

Jeremiah 3:22 notes to return, and God will heal your backsliding.

Revelation 2:4-5 notes to remember your first love, repent, and do the works you did at first.

Warnings Against Sin

Hebrews 3:12-13 notes to beware of an evil heart of unbelief; encourage one another daily.

Luke 9:62 notes to those who look back after putting their hand to the plow are not fit for the kingdom of God (will backslide).

1 John 1:6-7 notes to talk in the light to have fellowship with God and be cleansed from sin.

Conclusion: Hope That Actually Works

This path is not about perfection—it is about progress powered by grace.

You are not your past speech.
You are not your cultural conditioning.
You are not alone.

“And we are ambassadors for Christ… be reconciled to God.”
(2 Corinthians 5:20)

Grace changes hearts.
Renewed hearts change language.
Changed language builds a new life.

These verses emphasize the importance of staying vigilant in faith, repenting when necessary, and encouraging one another to remain steadfast in the Lord. Let us lift each other up in love into these blessings provided by Him. Amen.

Practical Application HOMEWORK: Implementing Biblical Principles in Communication

Cultivating the Art of Attentive Hearing

"So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath" (James 1:19). Within the family unit, spouses and children frequently struggle with truly hearing one another, often listening merely to respond rather than to understand.

One practical thing to do is repeat back what you are told to make sure it was understood correctly as well as make sure you stayed focused. For all relationships Active Listening Practices Implementing reflective listening—similar to confirming an order—shown by thoughtfully repeating back what has been communicated to you. This discipline ensures comprehension and demonstrates honor to the speaker. Remember Solomon's wisdom: "He who answers a matter before he hears it, it is folly and shame to him" (Proverbs 18:13).

The Ministry of Eye Contact: Whether speaking or listening, maintain respectful eye contact. This simple act conveys that you value the other person as one created in God's image, offering them the dignity of your full attention.

Examining Inherited Speech Patterns

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind…” (Romans 12:2). Each family must honestly evaluate the communication patterns inherited from previous generations. What godly models should you emulate? Which destructive patterns require repentance and correction? What phrases or "family sayings" dishonor Christ and must be abandoned? Many harmful speech habits become deeply ingrained during childhood, operating unconsciously until we bring them into the light of Scripture.

Guarding Against Destructive Speech

"Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers" (Ephesians 4:29). Particularly resist using words as weapons of accusation against others such as your spouse—often the most vulnerable target. Remember that "a soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" (Proverbs 15:1).

The Testimony of Non-Verbal Communication

Recognize that communication extends beyond words. Monitor habits such as eye-rolling, defensive arm-crossing, or gaze-avoidance—these betray attitudes of the heart that contradict our verbal professions of love.

Addressing Excessive Speech

If nervous talkativeness characterizes your communication, discern its root cause. Does it spring from unbridled excitement or from fear and insecurity? "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind" (2 Timothy 1:7). Work diligently to cultivate self-control, trusting that "the Lord is my helper; I will not fear" (Hebrews 13:6).

Pursuing Sanctification Through Mind Renewal

"And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God" (Romans 12:2). Dedicate yourself to studying sanctification throughout Scripture, understanding that Christ is making you holy.

Biblical sanctification is the process of being made holy, set apart for God's special use, and becoming more like Jesus Christ, involving both a positional declaration (already holy in God's eyes) and a progressive transformation (growing in holiness daily) through the power of the Holy Spirit and God's Word. Practically, it means a believer's thoughts, desires, and actions are being renewed to align with God's will, moving away from sin and towards Christ-likeness in everyday life.

You are separated from the world's sinful ways and dedicated to God's service and glory. The Holy Spirit works within you, changing your inner desires and enabling holy behavior. It's a partnership where you actively pursue holiness (e.g., controlling your body, avoiding sin) while relying on God's power. Becoming more loving, honest, and obedient, reflecting Jesus in your character and conduct. Being cleansed and guided by God's Word (Scripture), as Jesus prayed, Sanctify them by Your truth. Your word is truth. (John 17:17). Developing a genuine desire to love God and others, seeing the world through an honest, godly perspective. Learning to control your body and actions, avoiding immorality, and bringing your conduct into line with God's standard. A lifelong journey, not a one-time event, where you are continually being made more holy, even after becoming a Christian.

Scripture Memorization: Commit key passages to memory, establishing them as strongholds in your mind:

- "Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things" (Philippians 4:8).

- Again “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind…” (Romans 12:2).

Taking Every Thought Captive

"For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:4-5).

When temptation assails your mind, immediately cry out to God: "Lord, by Your Spirit, remove this thought from me," or "Father, I reject this temptation through the power of Christ in me." Exercise your spiritual authority through prayer, knowing that "greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world" (1 John 4:4).

Weaponizing Worship

Replace corrupting thoughts with hymns and songs of praise. As Paul instructs: "Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord" (Colossians 3:16). Memorize a beloved hymn or worship song to have perpetually ready in your heart and mind, a weapon against spiritual darkness.

The Stewardship of Physical Health

"Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's" (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).

Vigorous physical exercise serves as a vital component of spiritual and emotional well-being. Your body is not separate from your spiritual life but integral to it. Honor God through disciplined stewardship of your physical temple.

Therefore, rise up and take action! Apply these principles with diligence, knowing that "whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men" (Colossians 3:23).

The Transformation Example of the Morrison Household: A Story of Renewed Communication To Help Understand To Move On To The Next Step Of Your Life

Chapter One: The Breaking Point

Sarah Morrison stood at the kitchen sink, her knuckles white as she gripped the edge of the counter. Behind her, she could hear her husband Tom's heavy footsteps approaching—that familiar sound that lately made her shoulders tense involuntarily, forced into by that moments stress.

"Did you even hear what I said?" Tom's voice carried that edge she'd grown to dread. "I've been talking for five minutes, and you're just standing there ignoring me."

Sarah spun around, arms crossed defensively. "Maybe if you didn't just bark orders at me the second you walk in the door—"

"Bark orders? I was simply asking if you remembered to pick up my dry cleaning!"

Their teenage daughter Emma appeared in the doorway, rolling her eyes dramatically. "Here we go again," she muttered, not quite under her breath, before turning away with exaggerated disdain.

"Don't you roll your eyes at us, young lady!" Sarah called after her.

"Why not? You guys do it to each other all the time!" Emma shouted from the stairs.

Tom opened his mouth to respond, then closed it. In that moment, an uncomfortable truth settled over the kitchen like a heavy fog. Their twelve-year-old son, Michael, had already learned to disappear into his video games whenever voices were raised. Emma's disrespect was simply mirroring what she witnessed daily. And Sarah and Tom? They had become strangers who happened to share a house.

That night, as Tom lay awake staring at the ceiling, Sarah's words from their counseling session three months ago echoed in his mind: "We don't communicate anymore. We just... collide."

She'd been right. And he had been too proud to admit it.

Chapter Two: The Conviction

Sunday's sermon felt personally directed at Tom. Pastor Andrews spoke from James 1:19: "So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath."

Swift to hear. Tom realized with shame that he couldn't remember the last time he'd actually listened to Sarah—truly listened, rather than planning his rebuttal while she spoke.

That afternoon, Tom did something he hadn't done in years. He sat down with his Bible and a notebook. He wrote at the top of the page: "Father, show me where I'm failing my family."

The answers came uncomfortably fast.

His harsh tone with Sarah—he could hear his own father's voice in his words. The same cutting sarcasm, the same impatience. His dad had claimed it was "just how we talk in this family," but even as a child, Tom had hated it. Yet here he was, perpetuating the very pattern he'd despised.

His avoidance of eye contact when Sarah spoke to him—he'd scroll through his phone, pretending to multitask, giving her only fragments of his attention.

His accusations—always ready to point out what Sarah had forgotten, failed to do, or done wrong. When had he last affirmed her? Encouraged her?

Tom felt the weight of conviction settle on his shoulders. "Lord," he prayed quietly, "I've been a harsh husband and a poor example. Please help me change."

Chapter Three: The First Steps

The next morning, Tom woke early. Before heading downstairs, he read Ephesians 4:29: "Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers."

He found Sarah already in the kitchen, her back to him as she prepared coffee. The old Tom would have immediately launched into his morning agenda. Instead, he paused.

"Sarah," he said gently.

She turned, her expression guarded—braced for whatever criticism might come.

Tom walked over and looked directly into her eyes. "I want to apologize. I've been a terrible listener, and an even worse husband in how I speak to you. You deserve so much better than what I've been giving you."

Sarah's coffee mug paused halfway to her lips. "What?"

"I mean it. This weekend, God really convicted me about how I communicate—or don't communicate—with you and the kids. I want to change. I need to change. Will you... will you help me?"

Tears welled in Sarah's eyes. "Tom, I..." She set down her mug. "I need to change too. The way I snap at you, the defensive attitude—I learned that from my mother, and I swore I'd never be like that. But here I am."

They stood there in the kitchen, both broken, both willing—finally—to admit their failures.

"What if we started over?" Tom suggested. "What if we actually practiced listening to each other? Really listening?"

Chapter Four: The Practice

That evening, Tom gathered the family in the living room. Emma slouched on the couch with her signature eye roll ready. Michael clutched his phone like a lifeline.

"Phones away, everyone," Tom said, placing his own on the coffee table. "Including me."

Emma's eyebrows shot up. Her father lived on his phone.

"Your mom and I have been doing a terrible job of communicating with each other and with you two. We've been modeling things we shouldn't—disrespect, not listening, harsh words. And we're sorry."

Michael slowly set down his phone, attention captured.

Sarah continued, "We want to make some changes as a family. Starting with really listening to each other."

"Here's what we're going to try," Tom explained. "When someone speaks, the rest of us are going to practice active listening—maintaining eye contact, and then repeating back what we heard before we respond. Like when you're at McDonald's and they repeat your order."

Emma snorted. "The McDonald's method? Seriously, Dad?"

"Mock it if you want," Tom said with a slight smile, "but it's biblical. James 1:19 says we should be 'swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.' We haven't been doing that."

"So, let's practice," Sarah suggested. "Emma, tell us about something that happened this week at school."

Emma shifted uncomfortably. "Uh... okay. There's this girl, Madison, who's been spreading rumors about me. She told everyone I cheated on the history test, which I didn't. Now even some of my friends are acting weird around me, and I don't know what to do."

The old Tom would have immediately jumped to problem-solving mode: "Did you talk to your teacher? You need to confront her. Stand up for yourself!"

Instead, he took a breath. "Emma, what I hear you saying is that Madison has been spreading false rumors about you cheating, and now you're feeling isolated because even your friends are treating you differently. You're uncertain about how to handle it. Is that right?"

Emma blinked, surprised. "Yeah... yeah, that's exactly it."

"That must feel really lonely and frustrating," Sarah added, reaching over to touch Emma's hand.

For the first time in months, Emma didn't pull away. Instead, her eyes filled with tears. "It does. It really does. And I didn't think you guys would even care."

Tom felt his throat tighten. "We care, sweetheart. We haven't been showing it well, but we care very much."

Chapter Five: The Hard Work

The changes didn't come easily. Old patterns had deep roots.

Two weeks later, Sarah found herself in the middle of preparing dinner when Tom came home and immediately started listing everything that needed to be done around the house. She felt her jaw clench, her arms beginning to cross defensively—there it was, that old posture her mother had taught her.

"Wait," she said, stopping herself mid-motion. She consciously uncrossed her arms and turned to face him. "Tom, I'm feeling overwhelmed right now. Can we have this conversation after dinner when I can give you my full attention?"

Tom paused. His initial reaction was irritation—why couldn't she just listen now? But then he recognized his own impatience, the same trait his father had shown. "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." The verse from 2 Timothy that Pastor Andrews had preached on surfaced in his mind.

"You're right," he said. "I'm sorry. I walked in and just started dumping on you. Let me help with dinner instead."

Sarah looked at him with genuine surprise. "Really?"

"Really."

Small victories. They were learning.

Chapter Six: Renewing the Mind

Sarah started a new practice. She wrote out Philippians 4:8 on an index card and taped it to her bathroom mirror: "Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things."

Every morning, she read it aloud. And when bitter thoughts about Tom would start to form—criticisms, accusations, resentments—she would stop and pray: "Lord, by Your Spirit, remove this thought from me. Help me think on what is true, noble, and praiseworthy about my husband."

It felt mechanical at first, almost dishonest. But gradually, something shifted. She began noticing Tom's efforts. The way he was trying to listen. His patience with Michael's endless questions about baseball statistics. His gentleness with Emma.

Tom adopted his own practice. He memorized Romans 12:2: "And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."

When he felt harsh words rising in his throat—that cutting sarcasm inherited from his father—he would silently pray: "Father, I reject this pattern. Transform my mind. Give me words that build up, not tear down."

He began replacing critical thoughts with the words of an old hymn his grandmother had loved: "Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace."

When frustration mounted, he'd hum the tune, letting it refocus his mind on Christ rather than on Sarah's perceived failures—or his own.

Chapter Seven: The Ripple Effect

Three months into their transformation, something remarkable happened.

Michael came to Tom one Saturday afternoon. "Dad, can we talk?"

They sat together on the back porch. Michael fidgeted with a basketball, clearly nervous.

"What's on your mind, son?" Tom asked, setting aside his phone and giving Michael his full attention.

"There's this kid at school, Brandon. He keeps making fun of me in front of everyone. Says I'm stupid because I'm not good at math like him. And I..." Michael's voice cracked. "I started believing it. Started thinking maybe I am stupid."

The old Tom would have immediately launched into a motivational speech or worse, minimized the problem. Instead, he took a breath and practiced what he'd been learning.

"Michael, what I hear you saying is that Brandon's been bullying you about math, and his words have gotten into your head to the point where you're doubting yourself. That must be really painful."

Michael nodded, tears sliding down his cheeks. "Yeah."

Tom put his arm around his son. "You're not stupid, Michael. Not even close. But I understand how words can wound us deeply. Son, can I tell you what I've been learning?"

"Okay."

"The Bible says we need to take every thought captive—that means when lies come into our mind, we don't have to accept them. When Brandon's words start replaying in your head, you can pray: 'Lord, I reject this lie. Show me the truth about who I am.'"

"Does that really work?"

"It's been working for me," Tom admitted. "I've had lies in my head for years—things my dad said to me, things I believed about myself. God's been helping me replace those lies with His truth."

Michael was quiet for a moment. "Will you help me find verses? Like, truth about who God says I am?"

Tom felt his eyes sting with tears. "I would love nothing more, son."

Chapter Eight: The Testing

The real test came on a chaotic Thursday evening.

Tom's project at work had fallen apart due to a colleague's error—an error that Tom's boss somehow blamed on him. He came home frustrated, angry, and looking for an outlet.

He found the house in disarray. Dishes in the sink. Laundry on the couch. Emma's backpack dumped in the middle of the hallway.

And Sarah was on the phone, laughing with her sister.

Every old instinct roared to life. The biting comment formed perfectly in his mind: "Nice to see you're having fun while the house falls apart around you."

His arms started to cross. His jaw clenched.

Then, in his mind, clear as day: "Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers."

Tom closed his eyes. "Lord, please help me right now. I want to lash out, but I know that's not Your way."

He walked past the kitchen to the bedroom, changed clothes, and went out for a run—the physical exercise Pastor Andrews had mentioned as vital for spiritual and emotional health. As his feet hit the pavement, as his breathing became rhythmic, the anger began to dissipate.

"Whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men," he quoted to himself between breaths.

Thirty minutes later, he returned home with a clearer head and a softer heart.

Sarah met him at the door, her face anxious. "I saw you come in and then leave. Are you okay? I know the house is a mess—I got caught up talking to my sister and lost track of time."

The old Tom would have said: "Clearly." The old Tom would have made her feel small.

The new Tom, still a work in progress, said: "I had a really rough day at work, and I felt anger rising when I walked in. I didn't trust myself to speak kindly, so I went for a run to clear my head."

Sarah's eyes widened. "Oh, Tom. I'm sorry you had a hard day. Do you want to talk about it?"

"I do," he said. "But let me help you with the house first. We can tackle it together, and then talk."

As they worked side by side cleaning the kitchen, Tom felt Sarah's hand slip into his. She squeezed gently. No words needed. Just connection.

This, he realized, was what dying to self looked like. It wasn't dramatic. It was choosing gentleness when harshness felt justified. It was pausing when every instinct screamed to react. It was running away from a fight—literally—so that he could return as a peacemaker.

Chapter Nine: The Testimony

Six months after that difficult Sunday sermon, Pastor Andrews asked Tom and Sarah if they would share their story with the church's marriage ministry.

They stood together before a room of thirty couples, many of whom looked as exhausted and disconnected as they once had been.

"We're not here as experts," Sarah began. "We're here as people who almost lost everything because we forgot how to communicate with love and respect."

Tom continued, "Six months ago, we were masters of destructive communication. Harsh words. Eye-rolling. Constant criticism. We'd learned these patterns from our parents, and we were passing them right along to our kids."

"Then God convicted us," Sarah said. "He showed us through James 1:19 that we needed to be 'swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.' We were the exact opposite."

They shared their journey—the small practices, the Scripture memory, the active listening, the battle to renew their minds.

"Some of you might be thinking this sounds too simple," Tom acknowledged. "Trust me, I thought that too. But here's what I learned: simple doesn't mean easy. Choosing to listen instead of react? That's warfare. Catching harsh words before they leave your mouth? That requires the Holy Spirit's power every single time."

"We had to learn to take our thoughts captive," Sarah added. "2 Corinthians 10:5 says we're to bring 'every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.' For me, that meant when critical thoughts about Tom would arise, I'd immediately pray: 'Lord, remove this thought. Show me what's true and praiseworthy about my husband.'"

A woman in the second row raised her hand tentatively. "What if the thoughts are based on real problems, though? What if your spouse actually is doing things wrong?"

Sarah nodded. "Great question. Yes, Tom had real faults. I had real faults. But here's what we learned: even when addressing real issues, we can choose to do it with words that 'impart grace to the hearers,' as Ephesians 4:29 says. We can speak truth with love, not truth as a weapon."

"And sometimes," Tom added, "we have to address our own logs before we worry about our spouse's specks. I had to confess my harsh tone, my inattention, my critical spirit—all things I'd inherited from my father—before I had any right to address Sarah's faults."

They talked about practical steps: the eye contact, the active listening, the body language awareness, the Scripture memorization, the physical exercise that helped with emotional regulation.

"Here's where we are today," Sarah concluded. "We're not perfect. We still mess up. Last week, I caught myself rolling my eyes at Tom, and I had to stop and apologize. Old habits die hard."

"But here's the difference," Tom said, reaching for Sarah's hand. "Now when we fail, we recognize it. We confess it. We ask forgiveness. And we keep pressing forward, knowing that God is transforming us by the renewing of our minds."

"Our kids are different too," Sarah added softly. "Emma actually talks to us now. She trusts that we'll listen. And Michael—he's learning to combat lies with truth because he's seen us do it."

As they finished, a middle-aged man in the back stood up. "Thank you," he said, his voice thick with emotion. "You've given me hope. My wife and I... we're where you were six months ago. And I didn't think things could change."

Tom smiled. "Brother, if God can transform two stubborn, broken people like us, He can do it for anyone. It starts with surrender. It continues with practice. And it's sustained by the power of the Holy Spirit."

Epilogue: One Year Later

The Morrison family sat around the dinner table—all phones in a basket by the door, a new family rule.

"Okay," Emma said, "highs and lows from today. I'll start. High: I made the volleyball team. Low: Madison is on the team too."

Instead of immediately problem-solving, Tom practiced what had become second nature. "Em, it sounds like you're excited about making the team, but anxious about having to interact with Madison after everything that happened. Am I hearing that right?"

Emma nodded. "Yeah, exactly. But you know what? I've been practicing what you taught Michael and me—about taking thoughts captive. When I start worrying about what she might say or do, I pray and ask God to replace my fear with His peace."

Sarah smiled at her daughter. "That's wisdom beyond your years, honey."

Michael went next. "High: I got a B on my math test. Low: Brandon said it was probably because the test was easy."

"How did you respond?" Tom asked.

"I almost said something mean back," Michael admitted. "But then I remembered Proverbs 15:1—'a soft answer turns away wrath.' So I just said, 'Thanks for your opinion,' and walked away. And Dad? It felt better than fighting back would have."

Tom felt his throat tighten with pride. "Son, that took real strength."

When it was Tom's turn, he said, "High: Seeing how you two are growing in wisdom and character. Low: I caught myself interrupting Mom twice today when she was trying to tell me about her day, and I had to stop and apologize."

"And I accepted his apology," Sarah said, squeezing his hand, "because I've learned that extending grace is just as important as receiving it. My high is this moment, right now, with all of you. My low is that I got anxious about finances this afternoon and let worry steal my peace for a few hours before I remembered to take it to the Lord."

After dinner, as they cleaned up together, Emma paused. "Mom, Dad—can I say something?"

"Of course," they replied in unison.

"A lot of my friends' parents are either divorced or constantly fighting. And I used to think that was just... normal. That all marriages eventually turn angry and cold." She looked at them, her eyes serious. "But you guys changed. And it's shown me that with God, people can actually transform. That's given me hope—not just for my future marriage someday, but for everything. If God can change something as broken as our family was, He can do anything."

Later that night, as Tom and Sarah prepared for bed, they knelt together—another new practice.

"Father," Tom prayed, “Thank You for not giving up on us. Thank You for Your Word that teaches us how to love, how to communicate, how to die to ourselves. Thank You for transforming our minds and our home."

Sarah continued, "Lord, we know we still have so far to go. Keep teaching us. Keep molding us. Help us to be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath. Help us to let no corrupt word proceed from our mouths, but only what builds up and imparts grace. We surrender our marriage, our family, and our words to You."

"In Jesus' name," they finished together.

As they climbed into bed, Sarah rested her head on Tom's shoulder. "Do you remember that night a year ago when we could barely stand to be in the same room?"

"I do," Tom said quietly. "It feels like a lifetime ago."

"It was a lifetime ago," Sarah replied. "The old us died. God is making us new."

Tom kissed the top of her head. "'Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.'"

"2 Corinthians 5:17," Sarah murmured, recognizing the verse they'd claimed over their marriage.

Outside, the night was peaceful. Inside, the Morrison household rested in a peace that surpassed understanding—the peace that comes when God's Word transforms not just minds, but hearts, words, and homes.

The journey wasn't over. It would continue daily, with choices and practices and surrender. But they had learned the secret: transformation doesn't come from trying harder. It comes from yielding to the One who makes all things new.

And that, they had discovered, changes everything.

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"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God." — Romans 12:2